fbpx

Food | Fun | Family | Life

Your destination for local reviews, recommendations and real-life stories from women just like you.

PART 1 – My journey to sobriety. Dicing with death.

7th May 2018

 

In October I completed Sober October.

In November I completed Bender November.   

Sober October resulted in the most pissed-up November on record – I basically just postponed all my social activities in October and moved them to November. Christmas came and went in a haze of Prosecco, wine, port, sherry, a shit load of Gin and the odd Baileys. Now we are in May and I can’t recall a weekend of no boozing this year so far.


Bank Holiday Weekend – 04-07 May 2018

I’ve nearly killed myself twice this weekend.

– Saturday I jumped out of plane from 10,000 feet.

– On Sunday I tripped over a brick in the garden with a wine glass in my hand – landed in a heap on the floor, smashed the wine glass and sliced my neck open an inch from my Jugular. I have no idea what I tripped on. I was drunk. I don’t actually remember doing it – I woke up this morning, head banging, in one of the hubby’s tee shirts, covered in blood with Malbec-stained teeth and a mouth like the bottom of a parrot’s cage.

Mr T enlightened me with the details – in the usual way – that look half way between disappointment and concern. I open my eyes to the same question from him most weekends “do you remember what happened last night?”. I know it’s not going to be good.

The familiar feeling of terror courses through my veins – heart beats a bit faster – no idea what I’m about to be told but I know by his question and its delivery that it ain’t gunna be fucking pretty. Sometimes I breath a sigh of relief when he fills me in because it’s a little bit funny and we laugh about it. Like that time, at his annual work’s summer BBQ when I thought it was appropriate under the influence of a shit load of cheap plonk, to plonk myself of the CEO’s knee and tell him my very honest views on the way I thought he ran his business – going into detailed comparisons with the a number of scenes from The Firm – that film starring Tom Cruise. Iain had only started working for the company a matter of weeks before.

Then there are other incidents – for instance, the episode not so long ago when I was punched in the face by the girlfriend of some chap in a local bar/club. The young man in question was wearing a rather nice Trilby and a pair of rather cool black-rimmed glasses and  after several cocktails, wine with dinner, another cocktail, a shot of some nature, and the Verve Cliquot that I was swigging from the bottle (I like to buy the expensive stuff when I’m out of it – fuck knows why, I never remember) I thought it would be a great idea to whip them both off his head and prance round the club like the dickhead that I am.  Of course at the time, I probably though I was the fifth member of Little Mix. The much older fifth member. Like 15 years older.

Whilst being punched at 38 is nothing to be proud of, it’s the not being able to remember that mortifies me the most. I don’t remember this incident at all. I woke up with a huge bruise above my eye, assuming I’d fallen over somehow, only to be told by one of the mums at school who I was out with that I had in fact been punched in the head by someone’s girlfriend after refusing to return the chap’s personal belongings. I was removed from the club and thrown in a taxi by my two (relatively new) girlfriends who I had ‘gone out for a quiet meal’ with, only to end up in a club full of twenty-somethings. These ladies are also fellow mums from the wonderful, middle-class village school that my son attends.

Not sure who any of these specs belong to.

Of course some husbands would be mortified by the idea of their wives parking themselves on the big boss’s knee at a work’s do, or dancing on tables in a semi-quiet pub and refusing to get down until being threatened with being kicked out. Or ‘borrowing’ people’s spectacles, hats – anything really.

But Iain fell in love with me because of my good-time-girl approach to life. The ladette in me. My fun and free side.

My ability to drink like a bloke and party like a rock star. My cracking one-liners and filthy mouth. I was the life and soul of any party. His mates either love me or hate me – those that hate me, regularly tell him that he needs to ‘seriously reign me in’.

With my fan club – Iain’s mates. The ones that like me.

Those mates that like me do so because of my crazy side. But it’s really only Mr T who has seen the true extent of all the combined craziness over the last 10 years, and the aftermath that follows. And for some reason, his still continues to want to be married to me!

Mr & Mrs T – the life and soul of any wedding.

 

Ibiza 2009 with Mr T. One of the less messy ones.

Mr T fell in love with me when I was 26, single, child-free. A year in, we travelled the world together for 11 months. We got pissed every single day for 300 days. Now I’m 38, mummy to two children. I own and run my own business. So this is the start of my journey to stop drinking. Completely I think. Because I can’t moderate. I can’t have just one glass of wine. I can go all week without a single drink but then Thursday comes and so does the wine. And it flows – quite liberally – let’s get fucking real here – there’s no ‘quite’ about it. It flows like chuffing Niagara Falls and if it runs out I have Sainsburys right across the road, open until 11pm, so I can get more.

‘Don’t go home, let’s go back to mine – we can make cocktails at 11pm on a Thursday night”

There are all sorts of factors that contribute towards my drinking that I’ll talk about throughout this process  – please don’t judge me. A big part of it IS just habit though.

I don’t know how to socialise without wine. I don’t know how to have fun without a G&T in my hand. I drink when I’m stressed, when I want to reward myself, when we are celebrating. But it never stops at ‘just the one’.

On the way home from a work event in London. I ‘took’ this bottle for the journey home.

Since the birth of my second child Ferne who is very nearly four, I’ve been on anti-depressants for anxiety and post natal depression. Of course it doesn’t help that my social anxiety seems to disappear as soon as I crack open a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. But it’s these little pills that now result in me blacking out if I drink too much. And it’s one thing me making an absolute twat of myself on regular occasions, but it’s a whole different ball game when I’m putting myself, a 38-year old professional mother of two, at risk because I zone out for hours, sometimes only zoning back in when I wake up the next morning…

Oh this was hilarious. I thought. At the time. Not sure that the doorman did though.

Last night was a wake-up call and I am holding myself accountable for what could have been a much more serious situation had that glass shard have caught my neck just an inch to the left. I’m doing this for my children – they shouldn’t have to see their mummy pissed up, clutching a towel at her throat trying to stop the blood flow. Or their mummy on the sofa asleep at 6pm on a Sunday night because she drank too much plonk whilst cooking Sunday dinner… or much worse – God forbid – never see mummy again at all.

I’m doing this for my health. For my business. For my family who I’m constantly trying to convince that I haven’t got a problem. My mum who regularly reminds me that ‘never in a million years, would she have acted like I do at my age’. Well I have a problem, and it’s time to deal with it. And I’m going to post a lot about this journey, however long it takes, because I know by holding myself accountable to others, that this is the only way out of this habitual mind-set. Along with a little help from the professionals along the way.

If you are in a similar position to me, and I know I’m not alone here, far from it, then I hope my journey to sobriety helps you too.

If I can do this, anyone can. I’ll definitely be jumping out of more planes though that’s for sure, no amount of alcohol can compete with the feeling of freefalling 10,000 foot above earth from a plane. And if I can do this, anyone can. Lyndsey x PS – Enjoy the photos. At the time, I thought most of these were hilarious, now I’m just cringing. What a twat. Girl-About-Yorkshire

#GirlAbout

Follow Us

Thanks for reading this post, we hope that you enjoyed it. You can follow Girl About Blog Squad by clicking in the links below – keep up to date with Girl About news and Reviews.

Share this Article

Share it on your own social media channels or with friends

Related

Children’s Wellbeing | Kids these days – they’ve got it made – or have they?

Children’s Wellbeing | Kids these days – they’ve got it made – or have they?

I’m a primary school teacher and I’m a mum to a beautiful, bright and bubbly six-year-old. I witness the ups and downs of wellbeing in children every day. Every parent faces the same dilemma – how to ensure the wellbeing of our children – particularly from a mental health perspective in a world that is more pressured than ever in more ways than one.

REVIEW |  Locksley Distillery Gin School – If you love gin you MUST to do this!

REVIEW | Locksley Distillery Gin School – If you love gin you MUST to do this!

“THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” my friend Kat yelled to me over the sound of a gently bubbling still with a massive gin grin on her face. For me, it probably doesn’t quite trump my wedding day or the birth of my babies, but it’s not far off! We became master mixologists, creating our own gin recipes before distilling ‘Madam Geneva’ in our own miniature stills.

RECOMMENDATION | Darkhorse Stratford, East Village – East London

RECOMMENDATION | Darkhorse Stratford, East Village – East London

Hidden in the heart of the East Village, part of the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park and just a stones throw from Stratford station, are a handful of restaurants and bars. And right in the middle is Darkhorse bar and restaurant. It’s described on their website as a ‘modern European restaurant with Italian and Spanish influenced food wrapped in a British attitude’.

22 Comments

  1. Gaynor Pickard

    Come on Lyndz I am rooting for you. You are a great business person and a great mum. P.S the tablets do make the effects of alcohol so much more severe. I managed 10 was sober and then fell off the wagon. You’ve inspired me to jump back on!

    I am rooting for ya
    X

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Gaynor thank you for your kind words. You’re spot on, I’m great, until I drink too much wine. Those tablets are lethal when knocked back with a bottle of white but I need those pills more than I need wine so I’m gunna give this a good stab. Let’s do this together! A sober movement in Yorkshire! xx

      Reply
  2. Angela

    Wow your courage honestly and bravery is something I wish I had, even just a tenth of it. Good luck on your journey and I’m sure as usual you will fly high, I think (from your posts) you are a fantastic mother, brilliant business person and great wife an inspiration to women out there that anything is possible!

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Angela thanks for such kind words. I’m like any other struggling mum trying to juggle life, which would be a lot easier without a 3 day hangover every week. I’m ok with honesty, I’ve found I get respect from those who are less judgemental, such as yourself so thanks for that. Honesty makes you realise who has your back. Since starting Girl About Yorkshire I have found it so helpful, mentally and emotionally, to write down my struggles. I get so wrapped up in writing it down, alone, in a room, tapping away at my keyboard – when I hit the publish button, I have no idea what comments I’m going to be met with – 9 times of out of 10 they are all incredibly supportive, and I get lots of private messages thanking me for broaching a subject close to people’s heart – that they may struggle with admitting to also. I hide behind my screen – I’m not sure how brave that is, but I do know that all these comments will help me ride this wave. Thank you for your support. Lyndsey xx

      Reply
  3. Simon

    A very open and honest account of what is happening in your life and it is a very big thing you have done by publishing this. Life changes are hard I know this from my own experience going from a very hard working mechanical engineer to a stay at home Dad only going to bed three nights a week so I could do a milk round then the real punch from MS which is hard at the moment. So many people don’t know when to stop and ask for help and admit they have a problem. Me it wasn’t alcohol but smoking, up to 40 a day and boy couldn’t quit.
    You go girl we are all here for you.

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Simon (I think I’m talking to James’s dad right?). I have a lot of respect for how you are handling a disease that drags a lot of people down. You are always so upbeat and happy in the playground, and your children are a credit to you and Kathren. If you need any support from me you only need to shout. James and Daniel are welcome here any time so please – shout if you need help – a little like I have just done. Here to support each other through all that life throws at us with a positive attitude, and I think most of all, a sense of humour. Don’t let that go… x

      Reply
  4. Caroline

    Good luck Lyndsey, I don’t know you but I enjoy your posts and can see that you live life to the max. That doesn’t mean I think you are a nutter or anything, but you seem to have so many great adventures and you will still have a lifetime of many more ahead of you without the plonk. Stay strong, be brave (you are brave!) and when the toughest of times hit you, re read all the positive things people send you and it will keep you on track. Keep us updated. X

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Thanks Caroline. Lol I am a nutter – I’m the first one to admit it – you’ve hit the nail on the head. We love an adventure – life is too short to sit around waiting, worrying and wondering. I like to grab the bull by the horns but I’m gunna try and stop grabbing the bottle as well so I have clear memories of all these adventures. It’s all these comments that will help me along and I feel so lucky to have this outlet to express myself and be supported, and help and support others. Plenty of us 30-somethings out there and if I can help myself and one other person I’m a happy Yorkshire lass my love xxxx

      Reply
  5. Lucy

    Hi Lyndsey,
    I am so grateful for your post! Well done for making the decision to change. I am on a mission to get sober by 30 (currently 28). I have tried to quit and failed a fair few times now, but I am going to carry on as one day I hope to succeed. I am slightly too introverted to share my story through blogs or online posting of any sort, so I am truly grateful for people who feel brave enough to share. I have known for a few years that I have a problem with alcohol. I cannot moderate and I have so many triggers that it is a wonder that I don’t pour out a wine in the morning (oh look, I woke up 5 minutes too early – this will clearly be a terrible day! *where is the wine?*). And having taken anti depressants myself, to try and combat some of the thinking that often causes my urge to drink, I have found that when I do succcumb to temptation, I get so insanely drunk! Antidepressants and alcohol do not mix – I feel your pain! One thing that I really think would help me is to try and find a sober tribe. Living in West Yorkshire too after relocating, I don’t know where to start. So if you have any suggestions for local events/groups etc, I would be sincerely grateful! I don’t think AA is for me, just a nice group of supporting people would be ideal without having to make promises/pledges that I want to rebel against.
    I really hope you are on the mend after your fall at the weekend btw.
    Much love and good luck! xx

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Lucy my love I am emailing you. There are a few other ladies who are interested in being part of a local support group. I’m ten years ahead of you – well done you for admitting to this now at 28. At 28 I was at my height of craziness and had no intention of stopping – I wish I had though. I’m sure, like me, you’ve re-located back to Yorkshire and found your tribe of the fun people and now just need a couple of those who are realising that the fun needs to be re-thought out. Look out for my email xx

      Reply
  6. Nancy Foster

    Well done for taking that first step…I was the same as you could go without all week but then I’d binge and loose the whole weekend (I was a single parent then & did it when my girls were at there dads so they never saw it thank god!!) fast forward 17 years and I rarely drink at all, in fact I have thrown away more booze because it’s gone out of date or I can’t remember how long it’s been opened.
    It’s also great to be able to remember what fun I’ve had on a night out…yes I still socialise but I don’t have the need to have a drink to do it, I’m still as gobby & do stupid things but I don’t have a hangover or the walk of shame anymore!!
    Good luck I’m rooting for you!! 😊

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Good on you Nancy I hope I can look back when I get to 40 and be proud of being booze free like you my love. Great achievement – another inspiration x

      Reply
  7. Tara

    I needed this today as I am yet again researching kicking the wine completely. I seem to think that by researching and following inspirational people on Insta is my first step and, annoyingly, so far is the only step that I have taken. Like you say, I can’t stop at just the one and I want to see what a difference binning the vino makes to my clarity, my energy, my family and my waistline…. all those empty calories!!!! I’ve kidded myself for far too long and aimed for a booze free weekend but the sun came out here in North Yorkshire and so did the rosé! Again and again! I’ve had moments like yours in the past with adventures through wine but I too have 2 small children and I want to be present in the moment with my boys. Every moment. I’m up for the sober movement in North Yorkshire. On another note I do hope that you are ok today and your neck/cut is healing. What a bloody scare. Thank you for the kick up the arse your message sends me – Tara xxx

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Tara I have read The Sober Diaries, I have read The Unexpected Joys of Being Sober (she is great BTW and I totally relate to her), I follow shit loads of people on Insta who fill my feed with inspiring posts about no hangovers and being the best person I can be, and then I get shitfaced on a Thursday night right through to Sunday. The books, the posts.. they all go out the window and all I want is a drink. The only way I can be accountable for my actions is to write about them. It helps me. The more I write down these awful scenarios I get into, the more I hate myself and want to quit. I think a Yorkshire Sober Movement is the way forward where we can all, as woman, talk about such things. and I’ll email you about it. Let’s set this up. Where are you? Shall we meet for a…. herbal tea? x

      Reply
  8. Jane Girdham

    Hi Lyndsey

    I was really interested to read your post about getting sober. My dad suffered from alcohol dependency syndrome for many years and sadly died because of it last year, I therefore have a very warped relationship with alcohol and since his death have spent a lot of time reading up on addiction and the mental health issues around alcoholism. I am running the Edinburgh Marathon in a few weeks in memory of my dad in aid of Alcohol Concern UK, a charity that works towards a better understanding of the effects of alcohol and tries to create a society where alcohol does not harm.

    Its very brave of you to come out and say what you have said and to recognise that something needs to change. What is even more heart warming for me is the support you are receiving from total strangers – that is just lovely to read and the very thing, I believe can get a person through pretty much anything.

    For that reason, I would be really interested in getting involved in a Yorkshire Sober Movement so please keep me informed as I would love to help wherever I can.

    Good luck Lyndsey!

    J xx

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Hi Jane
      Thank you for your lovely comments and message of support. Sorry it’s taken a little while to respond, the response to this post has been overwhelming, and whilst I appreciate all the wonderful comments of support to spur me on, it’s how I seem to be spurring others on that is also incredibly moving. I’m so sorry to hear about your father. Booze really is the devil isn’t it? Good luck with that Marathon. I just know that your dad will be the wind in your sails that ensures you smash it! I totally agree – the support on here is more than enough to keep me in the right frame of mind.
      I’ll keep you posted in the Yorkshire Sober Movement I’m just in the process of setting it up. Can you email me – Lyndsey@allaboutthestory.co.uk and I’ll pop you on the list. x
      Lots of love and good luck with that Marathon! Lyndsey xx

      Reply
  9. Kelly

    Hi there, can I just start by saying what an unbelievably brave post to share so close to your decision. I think it is always good idea to hold yourself accountable and you have done it in the most inspiring way which will hopefully resonate with lots of people so we’ll done.

    I decided to go alcohol free 2 years ago for reasons almost identical to yours and I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions of my life (obviously the hubby and kids are high up on the list too!) and when you drink like we do moderating is just not an option, completely cutting the nasty little bugger out completely is honestly the only way to go – believe me I’ve tried everything else! However, I am pleased to report that you can have just as much, scratch that, you can have EVEN MORE fun without alcohol.

    I too am in West Yorkshire and I am more than happy to chat with anybody who might need advice as the whole ‘mummy needs a drink’ thing is a subject very close to my heart……

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      Hi Kelly – thank you for your lovely comments and message of support. Sorry it’s taken a little while to respond, the response to this post has been overwhelming. So glad to hear your story. I think although I’m riding the wave at the moment, I will struggle when I am faced with a social occasion. I have a wedding in 2 weeks – I’m chief bridesmaid and I really want to get through it, but more so enjoy with without booze. I know it’s to early to have ‘one glass’ so I have to be strong. All these ladies telling me they have travelled the same road and 1,2,4 years later have not looked back are really needed. So thanks. I am determined to have fun in 2 weeks time.
      Can you send me your email. I’m setting up a group and it would be great for you to come along and tell your story. Like-minded mums is what it is all about.
      xxx

      Reply
  10. KG

    I write about an old friend… a stunning woman who I met as gorgeous girl about 12 years ago. It was north London – and she came to my home to check out the vacant room we had to rent. When asked what she likes to do outside work, she responded with “curl up with a hot chocolate and watch tv”.
    After a year, we laughed at this memory with cynicism and sarcasm. It was a tough time for her due to a recently broken relationship – but she hardly showed it. She was good at masking it.

    She bounced down the street in high white heels for a night out and often fell through the front door only to crawl or be carried to bed.

    And on the dry days we still had a laugh – an amazing laugh. She has a huge smile that can change the mood in any room. Vivacious when sober, intelligent and hysterical, proud and confident on the outside. But her inner child was suffering and she hit the bottle to hide it.

    Despite the crazy antics and wild parties and hilarious nights out, ours grew into a wonderful friendship. Supportive and honest – sometimes too honest with each other. We cried silent tears together without the need for words. For our own shortcomings and insecurities.

    We held on to each other through the good and not so good decisions.

    And our lives took turns in different directions and we always did what it took to keep our special friendship alive.

    We tried to be constructive when it came to criticism. We told each other stories and secrets and shared our feelings.

    This beautiful and brave woman has inspired many people, without even knowing it. Her love and forgiveness is unending. And this is evident in her relationship with amazing husband, who she was too shy to talk to at a singles event we attended.

    Courage is a rare trait these days, and this woman has a big bag of it! If she wants something, she can get it. One way or another. Being eight years senior, I have watched this woman grow into a traveller, a wife, a homemaker, a businesswoman and a mother.

    Our friendship has waned a little since I moved abroad. But I truly understand that often it’s hardest to be around the people who know you so well. Especially when facing the black dog of depression. Been there and done that!

    So, to this wonderful woman, may your next journey be as successful as your previous ones. May the struggles be lightened by the love and friendship of the people around you and those of us afar. And may you find faith in yourself in a safe manner.

    I’m sure this story has another exciting chapter to come.

    Reply
    • Lyndsey Thomas

      I am literally sobbing. I am also coming to Spain to see you. I will drop you a message. I need to see you. You are the only one who will tell me how it is without me getting upset and angry. I love you and miss you KG x

      Reply
  11. Rach

    You are awesome mrs t and you also write brilliantly ….looking forward to see you soon and sharing some new adventures….more Thai cooking lesson than gin masterclass, you’ve got this chic , love you ❤️❤️❤️

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Follow us on Instagram @GIRLABOUTBLOGSQUAD

Instagram

Instagram has returned invalid data.

#YorkshireBucketList

FOLLOW US

The Girl About Blog Squad is a collective of female bloggers across the UK. One platform made up of lots of localised personal blogs from ladies just like you.

Each blogger has their own personal patch - they are the official Girl About their own little corner of the UK. Their mission is to provide Girl About readers with their recommendations and honest and frank reviews on places to eat, sleep, drink, relax & unwind and have fun in their neck of the woods - with or without the kids.

The Blog Squad and Girl About readers are largely made up woman in their 30s and 40s - multi-tasking fiery females with a lust for life and a level of expectation that comes with being a modern mum, friend, a career woman with responsibilities, commitments and a serious lack of free time - Girl About provides proper honest, down-to-earth, easy to digest and well-written content for your enjoyment, so grab a cuppa and catch up with the Girl About Blog Squad.

SIGN UP FOR THE GIRL ABOUT NEWSLETTER

Be the first to hear about competitions & special offers and never miss an article